My Mind

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."


And they say blondes are dumb...

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and pass gas!
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!

A PRAYER....


Dear Lord,

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;

Love to forgive him;

And Patience for his moods.

Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,

I'll beat him to death.

AMEN


Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?

A: Trustworthy.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: What is the difference between men and women?

A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

do you ever wake up and ask yourself why? why wake up, would anyone really give a damn. why to go to college? why give a damn? i know i could make it as a nurse aide now, so why even give a fuck. i just dont give a damn now. isnt that sad, like if i were to get into my car right now and drive who would care, who honestly give a fucking damn?

who?

who?

who?

life is a constant reminder of how empty my being is..........fuck it all!

do you ever wake up and ask yourself why? why wake up, would anyone really give a damn. why to go to college? why give a damn? i know i could make it as a nurse aide now, so why even give a fuck. i just dont give a damn now. isnt that sad, like if i were to get into my car right now and drive who would care, who honestly give a fucking damn?

who?

who?

who?

life is a constant reminder of how empty my being is..........fuck it all!

Wow, its been forever since i've written here. i have a journal under www.myspace.com under crys! look me up. anyways i had check offs today, and they actually went really well. i was so happy for that! i had to give a TB skin test. and i totally rocked it, well for the most part. things are cool with me drew, after are last spat of my keeping my stress to myself, and not sharing, we've been cool. i started my oreination back at kenwood today. i saw diane and darlene today. the both seem wicked happy to see me coming back. we had loads of fun. next weekend drew is going  on a trip to flordia next thursday till sunday. which im really happy for him. but something that bugs me, when i beg him to spend one thursday night with me bc we haven't got to spend a single night together for over two weeks, closer to 3, but he can't  bc he wont go to class, and i was like i promise i will get you up. so when he tells me this lil bit about going to flordia im like well what about ur friday class, and hes like well im going to fail it anyway i just go so i dont feel lazy. and im like oh, k. when i really am like "What the fuck"

then yesterday daniel posted some shit on his myspace and they were poems. one was his sept 11 poem and the other was one he wrote about this wonderful girl.  and it says shit like her crystal blue eyes, and how he loves how she tickles him, and how there curves fit together so perfectly, and how wonderful it is when they fall alseep in each others arm. i thought my chest was going top explode. all i could think of those were our words just a year ago. it hurt so bad. its so fucking disgusting how he can just jump from girl to girl and be in love every single time. bull shit . thats all that is is fucking bull shit. he cant say he loved me  for two years and say he feels the same about a girl he knew for less than a month. yeah i i know i love drew, but not the way i loved daniel, not  yet. it took timemore than just twpof ucking days and i wass sunddenly madly in love with someone and thought they were my fucking soul mate

itt pisses me off so much i could bawl.

and drew is sorta distant. we just never see each other enough jessie gets to stewie more than i get to roo. it sotra upsets me, cause its like he doesnt even want to the bastard. why is he so fucking distant? why cant he adore and want to be around me as much as he says he does. but he doesnt act like it. mabey im just selffish

mabey daniel ruined me with all of that attention he always gave me,. like he needed me to breath to exist. and i loved that. and i dont know why. i guess it felt like it gave me meaning. i dont know i give the fuck up

later

tata

Wow, its been forever since i've written here. i have a journal under www.myspace.com under crys! look me up. anyways i had check offs today, and they actually went really well. i was so happy for that! i had to give a TB skin test. and i totally rocked it, well for the most part. things are cool with me drew, after are last spat of my keeping my stress to myself, and not sharing, we've been cool. i started my oreination back at kenwood today. i saw diane and darlene today. the both seem wicked happy to see me coming back. we had loads of fun. next weekend drew is going  on a trip to flordia next thursday till sunday. which im really happy for him. but something that bugs me, when i beg him to spend one thursday night with me bc we haven't got to spend a single night together for over two weeks, closer to 3, but he can't  bc he wont go to class, and i was like i promise i will get you up. so when he tells me this lil bit about going to flordia im like well what about ur friday class, and hes like well im going to fail it anyway i just go so i dont feel lazy. and im like oh, k. when i really am like "What the fuck"

then yesterday daniel posted some shit on his myspace and they were poems. one was his sept 11 poem and the other was one he wrote about this wonderful girl.  and it says shit like her crystal blue eyes, and how he loves how she tickles him, and how there curves fit together so perfectly, and how wonderful it is when they fall alseep in each others arm. i thought my chest was going top explode. all i could think of those were our words just a year ago. it hurt so bad. its so fucking disgusting how he can just jump from girl to girl and be in love every single time. bull shit . thats all that is is fucking bull shit. he cant say he loved me  for two years and say he feels the same about a girl he knew for less than a month. yeah i i know i love drew, but not the way i loved daniel, not  yet. it took timemore than just twpof ucking days and i wass sunddenly madly in love with someone and thought they were my fucking soul mate

itt pisses me off so much i could bawl.

and drew is sorta distant. we just never see each other enough jessie gets to stewie more than i get to roo. it sotra upsets me, cause its like he doesnt even want to the bastard. why is he so fucking distant? why cant he adore and want to be around me as much as he says he does. but he doesnt act like it. mabey im just selffish

mabey daniel ruined me with all of that attention he always gave me,. like he needed me to breath to exist. and i loved that. and i dont know why. i guess it felt like it gave me meaning. i dont know i give the fuck up

later

tata

wow, i think i finally found what love should feel like. i thought i knew what it was last year. but i know what mom and frank meant when they say love, even the kind that feels like forever, will come and go. and even though apart of my heart will always belong to daniel. but andrew makes me happy. and thats all there is to it.

if you don't wanna love i will find someone eles who will. i will find another kind of thrill. if you dont wanna love me.

that song is just so true. one thing i really like about andrew is that he doesn't ask questions about my past. he just accepts it. and doesn't try to go places i don't. that shows me that he has utter and total respect for me. i could see us together. is that weird? and today it was cute. we were just laying in bed and i said soemthing like"i so am going to name one of MY boys middle names winniford" and drew was like"no, they are already going to have a hrad time bc of my big ears" wow, would a psych dr go nuts with that statement or what?

then bitch heather was like, oh didnt you take his virginity? and i was like yeah why? and she had the balls to say, oh well hes gonna get all attached and shit, just wait and see. what the fuck ever bitch, please. i will be l;ucky as hell to have him get attached to me. sorry im not like her and want to date 3/4 of the males on campus and possibly a couple of the females too. what a whore.

i need to start getting ready for work, but damn i dont wanna leave drew, as much as i should cause we do need some time apart. absense makes the heart grow fonder, or is it to wander. mabey i should know the diffence. ya never when that will make the differnce. i really hope mom and franlk were wrong when they said that daniel just wanted time off, then would want to end up together, cause i really dont want that, but im afraid i might. bbut i dont want to. he let me go so easy, and i have drew now.

last night i was crying in my sleep.  i didnt want to tell andrew, but it was bc daniel came back and was begging me to come back to me. and i told him that i couldn't cause i was with drew, happy and in love. but then something happend and i had to choose one, and the other was going to be killed. and i couldnt choose. i was the scariest dream i  have ever have in my entire life. but how do you tell ur bf that. you cant. and what bothers me to this moment i wouldnt know what to do. and that hurt me and scares the fuck outta me. dilemma is damn right girl.

and what makes me love drew som uch is that i can tell him anything in the world, but how do you even bring soemthing liker this is?  i just dont know. think is you, even when im wit my buea im crazy over you. wow.my life is fucked up, and i know drew will never press it so i can live my whole life with this in my head and my heart but i will know. mabey with time this wil go away, till then i gotta try to control my dreams if this is possible.

gotta get ready to go home to the crack shack.

tata

wow, right now i could be curled up in bed with my baby, but instead i cant sleep. and when i cant slepp itend to toss and turn, alot. and i really dont want to put him through that so im tryn to wear myself out by doing some simple ballet streches, but that didnt work. so i thought mabey some random typing might help. but im not seeing that working either. i took my test in nur 112, dont know what i got on it buyt i got a 'b' in the class so im happy.

he looks so peaceful lying there. i ahte to think of the fact that i wont see him till monday. how bad does that suck? i really am attached. and he says he loves me, that hes in love with me, but im scared. when i asked him if he felt emotions we' re still chemical reponses, he said he didnt know. if he says he in love with me so much, how can he doubt it? am i not showing him enouh how much i love him? is it my own fault for be shut off at times, cause i can be very cold i know that. and its my safety mechinism.

drunk daniel was drunk dialing tonight. he said he was on duty , and he was trashed. i cant believe that. thats not responisible. hes putting himself and others at risk. i guess they we're drinking vodka, and tomarrow he sadi he a bottle of southern comfot he was going to finish off. i woory abouth that. his dad was an alcoholic, and he has been telling lots of stories of how hes been drinking alot.  whta did i start? last year he wouldnt even touch it, and i was like dont judge till you try it, what kind of pandora's box did i let him open up. i still feel for him more than even i like to admit. i worry. he was my first love, and i never want any harm to befall. and i would kick my own ass i knew that i was the one to  start it up.  this summer he was so dead set on never touching it again. what happened, when did things change? im scared for his safety. what do i do? do i look away again, do i play the dumb card. or do i fess up? do i bring up what everyone is trying to hard not to see. i dont know. i know technically i have a duty, to protect at all times, at any count.  does that make me a hero or a bitch? am i evil or good? or is my being good just a way to try to get attention. because only i know what goes on in my heart. what do i do. im scared but do i fess up to my part, or slink back into the shadows, and accept the fact its not my placxe anymore to do anything.

No good deed goes unpunished. its the story of my life. why is it all my good attentions go awry. what did i do wrong. why do people always look for the bad? why do i let myself fall into this same pattern. why cant i just take things for face value. why do i even care anymore. why cant i just turn wicked and say fuck it. i don't give a damn.

no wonder i cant sleep with so many unanswerable questions running through my head. im going to try to lay down now.

tata