03/07/2006
wow, who knew orange vodka would taste that good....
yeah so last night i was the one offically failed the party. who knew orange vodka would hit me so hard. haha. prolly should have ate more than a ham and cheese sandwich before it. but shit it happens. so me and my girks got toasted last night. dani drank a six pack of budlite, then started taking shots of orange vodka. if ya chase it with sunkist you cant even taste it. its great! so yeah 9 shots in like an hr...not good.
then i get on and start talking to the ex daniel. bad choice. good sex, but bad choice. then i found out that he never really did know about me and dave (his best friend) fooled around. and that andrew had lied to be blunty and totaly lied to me. and that liked to kill me. that and when he had to make sure both of us understood that just bc we were gonna have sex didnt mean we were getting back to gether...or even hanging out. ouch nice slap in the face. i mean i know, but rought to have it so bluntly put. it was weird kissing him with his lip ring though. but yeah whatever.
so i am all pissed that andrew lied to me, that its making me want to cry. so instead of crying i punch a wall, a hrd one may i add. and then threw up. NEVER NEVER NEVER eat cheetos and goldfish crackers if you plan on throwing up later. nothing like seeing pure orange staring back at ya.
so what do i do? deciding im the soberest of the three i drive us to waffle house. at which we are pissed bc we got charged $18.55 for like nothing. the dicks. then i didnt even get into the dorm. i just threw up outside in the grass. which i looked at the spot today...and the grass is dead. wow...imagine what that was like for my poor stomach.
so yeah...daniel is alreaady caught up with a new girl. guys move on so well. and its not that i want to or dont want to. i feel so stuck.
and andrew hates me now. and for dumb reasons. bc i didnt listen to his advice. then when i told him he couldnt make my desicions he got even madder. and he lied to me. i dont lie to people, why should someone lie to me? why do people want to be so cruel? is that fun or something?
i just wish none of it had happened at times. i know you grow from all expriences...but why does growing have to be so damn painful? why does the thought of osing people i once called my bestfriends to turn out to be nothing have to hurt so bad. what did i do to deserve this?
am i that bad of a person. did i do something so bad to deserve to be in this much pain. what ever it was im sry. i hate losing boyfriends...but i hate losing friends even more. thats what rocks my world so hard. thats what puts my life into the craziest of spins. its like being on an out of control tilt-a-whril. with no bar to hang onto. i just want soemthing stable. not even a boyfriend. just something i can depend on, something i can fall into and know it will catch me. thats why i always want friendship. then it gets ruined somehow. and fucks up all somehow.
21:30 Posted in Leisure | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this
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