My Mind

yeah, thought of more shit i really want to get off my chest and out of my mind.

i want stability, i want forever, i want something solid. yet im terrified for any real comittment. andrew says he loves me, and he says forever, which should be enough......but still i fear. fear being alone, of him leaving me. i dont want to be hurt again. i guess i just dont know what i want anymore.

i want happiness yet it seems like i can look through the clouds to find the sunshine. and i crazy......i mean completely out of my head? why do i even still look at daniel's blogs? why do i care? i dont know......why doees part of me still wished he longed for me? to know he is haert broken. am i a cruel bitch?

i just want to be over and past it. i sometimes feel like i need to get away. away from campus, ky and ohio.  i just want a new start. but i love my friends, and family. but sometimes i feel stuck. like theres no way for me to get over anything while here. to many memories and feelings are attached to these places. like the air is filled with words that will never be said, memories that will never be made, and the stuffiness of the emptiness that will never be filled. the emptiness sometimes is enough to suffocate me. am i crazy? have i finally gone off the deep end? is this my mind telling me this is the beginning of a nervous breakdown? too many questions and too many answers i dont want to hear........