My Mind

so yeah, i am sitting here waiting to be able to register for my classes. cant do it till midnight, and damn it i am going to get the classes i want, come hell or high water or if a damn tornado comes rolling through.

on a darker note, i blocked daniel from everything on my stuff aim, myspace, facebook, you name it. but on myspace i blocked him so he cant see mine, but i can still see his. which is bad, bc ive notcied that lately ive been getting on just to look at pictures. he seems head over heels for this one. why? whats so great about her, and what is so damn tragic about me? im nice, im decently pretty at timess, yeah im a cubby and shes not...... but why? mabey they dont fight, mabey this is the happiest hes ever been. and i really dont know why i care, i dont want him back, i just dont want him to be so damn happy with someone who isnt me. why cant he just be miserable and alone like he promised he would be. dont get me wrong i love andrew to death, but i know we dont have a future. and thats sad, bc i really want to be in a realtionship that i feel may turn into something in the long run, yet when i go to talk to andrew about it and think of breaking up with him, i cant imagine it. i cant imagine with out him. hes so much of me, cand he makes me so happy. but mabey jessie's right , whats the point of being in a realtionship if you know its never going anywhere. mabey i like the security. but i hate being single, as terribly domesticated that sounds, i do. i hate knowing i dont have a man by my side. i went for so long with out one. i love having one. i just dont know man. mabey im selfish, or shallow, im really not that sure what you would call it, but its depressing as hell.

i really wish i could see me and drew together for a long time, we have so much fun now. but its like we are always on the extremes, either really good or really bad yelling at each other, but it flip flops so quickly. and for the bf that swears he has never been jealous in his life, he seems to have a streak of green going through his veins lately. its nice knowing someone cares about me enough to be it, but not to overly. yeah know a happy medium.

well i think i not only confused myself enough for now, but anyone eles who is drawn into the drama of my life thats reading this. if anyone is i would love a comment, cause i have yet to recieve one!

much love to ya all

tata