My Mind

Wow, man. chilln wit dani made me feel a lil better, and so did the one and half tramadol i just crushed up did. good times. mabey it will dull me. i know i prolly wont get a buzz off them anymore, but shit if i can just numb myself into a point of oblivion, that would be fucking awsome, that is for damn sure. roo isnt going to find out cause i really dont feel like having him jump my ass about it. but honestly, all i want is to be happy. is that to much to ask? seriously? i try what i can to do it. but nothing really makes me feel happy. i mean it helps to be with andrew, hes a great kid, but i feel myself slipping into a depression. and i know i am, i just dont care anymore. its so hard to even get up and go to class, cause it seems so fucking pointless. i mean really man, i feel like whats the point of it all. wanna know something terrible? i am like obsessed with getting andrew off, because the whole time he has this incredibly happy content feeling he gives off, and it makes me feel a lil better for a while, but then its gone. i dont even get that feeling when i get off. and it gives me even more  of a sex drive bc i wanna feel happy and whole. i hate this emptiness i feel. i feel hollow. i dont even care what people think, care or feel. i just dont care anymore. how fucked up is that? i mean i should but i dont.

Let all Oz be agreed, i am wicked through and through.........no good deed will i ever do again!

thats what i feel like my life has amounted too. fuck it man, im not even feeling a buzz yet. damn i need to get some Zbars or something. this shit is killing me, no lie.

im out

tata