My Mind

Wow, its been forever since i've written here. i have a journal under www.myspace.com under crys! look me up. anyways i had check offs today, and they actually went really well. i was so happy for that! i had to give a TB skin test. and i totally rocked it, well for the most part. things are cool with me drew, after are last spat of my keeping my stress to myself, and not sharing, we've been cool. i started my oreination back at kenwood today. i saw diane and darlene today. the both seem wicked happy to see me coming back. we had loads of fun. next weekend drew is going  on a trip to flordia next thursday till sunday. which im really happy for him. but something that bugs me, when i beg him to spend one thursday night with me bc we haven't got to spend a single night together for over two weeks, closer to 3, but he can't  bc he wont go to class, and i was like i promise i will get you up. so when he tells me this lil bit about going to flordia im like well what about ur friday class, and hes like well im going to fail it anyway i just go so i dont feel lazy. and im like oh, k. when i really am like "What the fuck"

then yesterday daniel posted some shit on his myspace and they were poems. one was his sept 11 poem and the other was one he wrote about this wonderful girl.  and it says shit like her crystal blue eyes, and how he loves how she tickles him, and how there curves fit together so perfectly, and how wonderful it is when they fall alseep in each others arm. i thought my chest was going top explode. all i could think of those were our words just a year ago. it hurt so bad. its so fucking disgusting how he can just jump from girl to girl and be in love every single time. bull shit . thats all that is is fucking bull shit. he cant say he loved me  for two years and say he feels the same about a girl he knew for less than a month. yeah i i know i love drew, but not the way i loved daniel, not  yet. it took timemore than just twpof ucking days and i wass sunddenly madly in love with someone and thought they were my fucking soul mate

itt pisses me off so much i could bawl.

and drew is sorta distant. we just never see each other enough jessie gets to stewie more than i get to roo. it sotra upsets me, cause its like he doesnt even want to the bastard. why is he so fucking distant? why cant he adore and want to be around me as much as he says he does. but he doesnt act like it. mabey im just selffish

mabey daniel ruined me with all of that attention he always gave me,. like he needed me to breath to exist. and i loved that. and i dont know why. i guess it felt like it gave me meaning. i dont know i give the fuck up

later

tata