My Mind

wow, i think i finally found what love should feel like. i thought i knew what it was last year. but i know what mom and frank meant when they say love, even the kind that feels like forever, will come and go. and even though apart of my heart will always belong to daniel. but andrew makes me happy. and thats all there is to it.

if you don't wanna love i will find someone eles who will. i will find another kind of thrill. if you dont wanna love me.

that song is just so true. one thing i really like about andrew is that he doesn't ask questions about my past. he just accepts it. and doesn't try to go places i don't. that shows me that he has utter and total respect for me. i could see us together. is that weird? and today it was cute. we were just laying in bed and i said soemthing like"i so am going to name one of MY boys middle names winniford" and drew was like"no, they are already going to have a hrad time bc of my big ears" wow, would a psych dr go nuts with that statement or what?

then bitch heather was like, oh didnt you take his virginity? and i was like yeah why? and she had the balls to say, oh well hes gonna get all attached and shit, just wait and see. what the fuck ever bitch, please. i will be l;ucky as hell to have him get attached to me. sorry im not like her and want to date 3/4 of the males on campus and possibly a couple of the females too. what a whore.

i need to start getting ready for work, but damn i dont wanna leave drew, as much as i should cause we do need some time apart. absense makes the heart grow fonder, or is it to wander. mabey i should know the diffence. ya never when that will make the differnce. i really hope mom and franlk were wrong when they said that daniel just wanted time off, then would want to end up together, cause i really dont want that, but im afraid i might. bbut i dont want to. he let me go so easy, and i have drew now.

last night i was crying in my sleep.  i didnt want to tell andrew, but it was bc daniel came back and was begging me to come back to me. and i told him that i couldn't cause i was with drew, happy and in love. but then something happend and i had to choose one, and the other was going to be killed. and i couldnt choose. i was the scariest dream i  have ever have in my entire life. but how do you tell ur bf that. you cant. and what bothers me to this moment i wouldnt know what to do. and that hurt me and scares the fuck outta me. dilemma is damn right girl.

and what makes me love drew som uch is that i can tell him anything in the world, but how do you even bring soemthing liker this is?  i just dont know. think is you, even when im wit my buea im crazy over you. wow.my life is fucked up, and i know drew will never press it so i can live my whole life with this in my head and my heart but i will know. mabey with time this wil go away, till then i gotta try to control my dreams if this is possible.

gotta get ready to go home to the crack shack.

tata