My Mind

Wow, in one month i turn 20. that scares the fuck outta me. so much i have to do. today is my zoe's birthaday. i have no lie lost concept of actual days of the month. i really need to put mins on my phone just so i have that to see. cause if not i zone out. i really need to make some massive cash. i have a lot of nursing supplies to buy. if i can even make it to clinicals. i really hope i dont have to do it with liping. that would be hard, she so skinny ill never be able to hear it. 

wanna hear something crazy. i see and hang out with luke more than i do drew. drew is always so busy, or wore out from his meds, and luke is a cool dude to chill wit. i really really wanna race his car. tonite i comepletly went against what andrew said. he told me he DID NOT want me to ever ride with luke. and luke said he was goign out driving and listen to music and couldnt turn a reason to get the fuck outta the room. i love jessie and dano, but i gotta get the fuck outta here. i can barely stand it. but when i talk about luke it seems to bug drew. he swears it doesnt , but i wonder. i think sometime apart will be good for us, y aknow. give us some time to be alone, and chilln wit out each other.

jessie warned me today.  she said dont let he luke thing turn into dave thing. but that differnt. ya know by that time daniel was pretty much ignoring me, and i wanted someone who wanted me. i really need to lose some weight. it is really starting to bother me. its all in my stomeach too. i hate it!!

but yeah, i remmeber when i thought time was my friend. some one to help get me closer to my goals. not someone who was trying to push me into making decisions im not ready for. and that scares the hell out of me. i know god has a plan for me, but i wish he would give me a hint, and not just dick tease me with security stuff. wow im tired.

wish me luck for tomarrow.

tata