My Mind

i believe i fall in love to quickly, but thing is i know exactly what i want, and when i find it i won't let it go.  i broke my rules. i swore i wouldnt tell anyone i loved them again. but i can't help it with andrew. we allow each other to open up, and let our gaurds down. and thats really hard for both of us. i think its because we're so sensitive to others feelings. thats why i like getting drunk and high. especially high. i don't have to feel other peoples emotions as much. they all get dulled. and yeah mine do to, but its worth it. i sometimes think what i have is a curse, not a blessing. it also why im a little aprhensive of working in the ER. thats ALOT of emotions, raw emotions runnign around wild.

i think i hurt andrew today. i was talking to Erica thatcher today on AIM, shes an old firnend from loudonville. and we were talking bout old times. she said ohio was going to hell and she was trying to get out.  and i said yeah, part of me wants to return bu ti dont have a life there any more. and the more i thought about it i really dont have a real home back in Bath county either. i have a house, but never a place to call home, and drew got hurt by this bc he was like somone who is so happy all the time isnt really all that happy bc how can you be happy if you dont feeel like you have a place to call home. and i explained to him that i can bc this is how my life has always been. ive moved so much that i really dont have roots anywhere. im like a dandylion. i grow in one place for a while, then that life dies for me and like the seeds i float off to the new location, and i start all over again. no real home, just a place i sit and rest. andrew also seems to feel as though he is goignt to die at a ypung age. i ownder if he's just saying that or if he really feels it too. it makes me wonder sometimes. and its the little things bw us. things we have in common that we've never talked about, but love. like t=wanting to move to montana or a new england state. he mentioned that today, and thats something ive wanted for years. its crazy

i am trying to be nice to daniel but he is syarting to piss me off. likre this weeekend drew and some of his boys went with me to dani's bonfire. and daniel knew bc he asked what i was doing and i told him.  well drew saw him at the front desk and stopped to talk wit him. daniel asked him how it was and who all drank, drew said he had fun and he was the only sober one there. daniel then has the balls to ask who i hung all over that nite. drew was nice and said no one really. but seriously what did daniel wanna hear? andrew, some random guy. and when i asked drew why he didnt say anything, he said it was because it wasnt his place. and he was letting me handle daniel my self. which i apprecaite him satying out of my shit, but if daniel has something to say he needs to best be saying to me, and not to mty boy, he needs to let his testicles drop and be a mna about it. for fucking real! pisses me the fuck off.

but whatever what can ya do?

well i gotta color my hair, i got some wicked bad roots

tata